Is this a dream?

This last few days have kind have been a blur. Countless times I have found myself thinking that this must be a dream, that this couldnt really be happening. Daniel says that he feels the same way. I keep thinking I am going to wake up soon.

When Daniel called at 3 on Thursday and told me he had been fired...it honestly felt like our world had just crumbled around us. My mind was racing with how were we gonna pay the mortgage, the utilities, buy groceries and diapers for our kids. How long would it be till Daniel got another job? What bills should come first? Would we lose our house?

I cant really explain that horrible feeling that I got in the pit of my stomach. All I wanted to do was go cry to my mommy...and I did. I called her up and sobbed on the phone. It took her 3 times to understand what I was saying because my words were broken from gasping for breath. She calmed me down and reminded me that God would take care of us, and things would be ok.

This is one area where I know I need to work on my faith. I have a hard time trusting that things will be ok. I worry constantly. I know that I SHOULD give it all up to God...its just incredibly hard.

I cried so much on Thursday. It didnt help that Daniel, my rock, was also broken and crying. I wanted to be strong for him as he has been for me so many times...but instead just cried with him. When the tears finally stopped, I received a call from my brother. The conversation elicited more tears and a lot of yelling. That one call left me emotionally drained. I still feel the effects of that call.

My brother told me that he had known that Daniel was going to be fired. My brother had been training all week to replace my husband. He knew and didnt tell us. He told me that he had promised work that he wouldnt say anything, and that it would have been "unethical". Unethical is throwing your FAMILY under the bus. Unethical is lying to Daniel when he asked you why you were training for his area. Unethical is leaving your two baby nephews without any source of income.

He tried to apologize while on the phone, but I told him I couldnt talk to him yet. I was too angry. He has yet to talk to Daniel. There is a lot of pain and feelings of betrayal. How could you let a job come before family?

I guess that another thing I need to work on in my faith. Forgiveness.

I feel badly for my parents. They are torn with seeing our side and my brother's side. He didnt want to risk losing his job by telling Daniel, although there is no way that Daniel would have let the work know that he knew. We would have just had more time to get our ducks in a row. If the situation had been reversed, Daniel would have told him in a heartbeat. I can see it from my brother's side...I just think he made the wrong decision.

As I said in my last post, Daniel will be going to work for his dad. They have a job starting Monday, so thankfully Daniel wont be without work. Financially speaking, we will actually be doing better than we were before. Such a blessing.

With the way everything has unfolded, I know that God very much had a hand in everything that has happened. Time and time again these past few days we have realized how much better this will be for our family. It might have taken a hard push out of our comfort zone, but God is definitely leading us towards better things.

We are now looking forward to our future.